The Drugs Don't Work :
This is the true story of a 23-year-old girl. We have changed the name, dates and places to protect her identity. Written in her own words, this will highlight some of the problems facing our community today in relation to drugs. It also shows that it's not just a problem amongst the Asian boys but also how vulnerable young Asian girls can find themselves in this situation. It all started at the age of thirteen. It was dinnertime at school and a friend of mine pulled out a packet of cigarettes. There were maybe 6 or 7 of us and we lit a cigarette each - its one of those things you do out of curiosity (when you're young). Anyway whilst everyone else was choking on their first drag, I didn't. This made me feel really grown up. I started smoking regularly, one on the way to school, one at lunchtime and one on the way back home. Within a couple of months, I was taking breaks during lessons for a quick ciggy. By this time, I was smoking 15 cigarettes a day. At the age of 15, some of my friends persuaded me to go to a party. There were a whole bunch of people over 18 and we were all having a great time. A couple of hours later, someone introduced me to a greeny / browny stone in a little plastic bag - this was draw. I had been going through a really bad patch in my life. There were many family problems at home. Everyone at home was against me - or so I thought. Things had been getting on top of me so when someone said "it helps you relax and forget your problems", I jumped at the chance and within a short space of time I found myself to be calmer- something I hadn't been in years. Very quickly I found myself becoming reliant on the draw- it offered me escape from the real world. There were days at school when all I could think of was finishing the day and sitting around with my friends rolling up and just escaping.By the age of 16, I was spending more than I could afford so I got myself a part time job. This helped me finance my habit. The problem now was that because I had a job my parents expected me to contribute towards housekeeping. I couldn't do that because everything I was earning, I was spending on draw. This caused a lot of arguments and tensions with my parents, as they wanted to know what I was doing with my money. I hadn't bought any new clothes for months so they kept asking me where I was spending my money.

I was constantly lying to them and fighting with them - maybe I wanted them to help me. I thought things would get better once I was at college but it was the complete opposite. A couple of weeks into college, there was a bhangra gig at the local club and like most of the Asian girls at college, I went down with my friends. I remember having a joint before going there. When we got there, all these people were dancing and having a good time. I got talking to a couple of guys from out of town and they introduced me to ecstasy. I took a tablet and the reaction was instant. A had a mad rush of energy and could have danced all night long. My friends weren't aware of what I'd done but couldn't believe the amount of energy I had.
The next couple of weeks I was taking 4 tablets a week and smoking 28 joints a week. I actually started looking like a 'junkie'. Anybody with even a little bit of knowledge of drugs could tell that I was on them but not my parents. They didn't once stop to consider that I had a problem. Everyday it was the same barrage of you're not being a good daughter, you don't do what you're told and so on. They never stopped to consider that I needed help. By now I was spending £100 a week on my drug habit but I was only earning £70 a week. I was borrowing, begging, stealing to make up the short fall. The money I owed was mounting up and I couldn't see a way out of the situation. Because I couldn't pay the money back to the guys, I did "favours" instead. I just wanted someone to help me. I couldn't turn to my family because of the amount of hassle and grief I would have to endure. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I desperately needed help. Not knowing who I could turn to made me feel more isolated and alone.. I couldn't get out of the trap I'd got myself into. One day whilst I sat around smoking draw with my (so called) friends, I noticed Ayesha was not herself so I pulled her to one side and asked her what the matter was. She started crying and told me acouple of months ago, whilst under the influence of drugs, she had slept with a number of guys and was now pregnant.
She didn't know who the father was and anyway he wouldn't have been interested. She didn't want an abortion either and her life was in such a complete mess. A couple of days later I learnt she'd left home and I have never heard from her since. A couple of weeks later, one of the guys I used to hang out with died of an overdose. These 2 incidents made me realise that I had to help myself as I didn't want to end up as a single mother or worse dead. I knew I had to help myself. I stopped hanging around with the crowd I was involved with. I stopped carrying draw in my bag so when I did feel like smoking I couldn't. Life was hell, I had mood swings all the time. The temptation to go back to drugs was immense but I was determined to kick the habit. It was at least 6 months before I knew that I had regained total control of my life. Today I am a far better person because of my experience. I've 'seen it', 'done it' and 'worn the T-shirt' and believe me you don't want to go there. I look at the crowd I used to hang around with and see what a mess they have made out of their lives. Most of them are still on drugs with little hope of stopping without outside help. Writing this article brought back a lot of painful memories for me but I've written it in the hope that our parents may open their eyes to the problem that exists and realise that this could happen to their sons and daughters. Hopefully, this article will also discourage the younger generation from experimenting with drugs. Believe me its not worth it.

THEY DO EXIST
This is the true story of a young Asian girl. We have changed names, dates, and places to protect her identity. Written in her own words this will bring to light that not all Asians are 'straight' and how we need to be responsible about our own actions instead of letting others pay the price. The day I had waited for all my life finally arrived. Just as I pictured it as a little girl. My hands were covered in henna that had been put on the night before. I was wearing a gorgeous red and gold lengha and more gold than they had on display at our local jewellery shop.. I felt like a million dollars.I had my aunties, cousins, and friends running around me for the last few hours, applying make-up, dressing me, doing my hair and of course teasing me about Arif. I remember being terrified and nervous when I met Arif 4 months before my wedding.

A meeting was arranged by my mother and his parents. I remember my mum telling me, "Arranged marriages do work and besides if you don't like him you can always say no". Arif and me were left alone in the room and we began chatting. We chatted for ages about anything and everything. I was amazed to learn how sensitive he was, we were there for ages and every 15 minutes or so our mums would pop their heads around and ask us if we wanted anything. Arif and me both decided we wanted to get to know each other better before we gave our parents an answer. After that day we met each other every weekend and would speak to each other on the phone for ages. After three weeks he asked me if I'd got any closer to making a decision and I said yes - the look on the face must have said it all as he just hugged me. We told our parents and it was no surprise to them, they had already started making arrangements. Within a couple of weeks everything was organised, my brother Ashraf spent ages running around making sure everything was perfect for me. Since dad died two years ago Ashraf had become the head of the family. Ashraf had always been the rock in my life and couldn't believe it was time for me to go soon. For once I was reassuring him, telling him I was always going to be a phone call away or an hour drive away as I was going to live in another town. My brother led me to the horse and carriage that was waiting outside and a couple of minutes later we were at the hall. The Nikah was over very quickly. Everyone was congratulating us and giving us money & presents. The next couple of hours just flew. It was time to go to a reception we held for close friends & relatives. I got changed and made my way down. I remember feeling really warm and decided to go to the ladies as I was in one of the cubicles. Two ladies walked in after me and were chatting how the day had been going really well. One of the woman was Arif's mother. She was saying how embarrassing it was when people were asking where the bride were and I had disappeared and left Arif on his own.

She said no daughter-in-law of hers was going to get away with it if she carried on like this. I couldn't believe it, this was the same woman who so desperately wanted me as her daughter-in-law. I went back to the party shocked and trembling. Arif's friends had made him get up and dance as I walked in they made me join in. Arif asked me what the matter was and I told him nothing. The next 2 hours just dragged as I was trying to avoid Arif's mother and at the same time not Arif's side. Finally we got home and went straight to bed. We sat on the bed chatting and I said that there was something he should know but he insisted he went first. I felt relief thinking he knew what had gone on. He held my hand and told me he cared about me & I told him I loved him. There was complete silence in the room and then I asked if he was going to say it back. He looked up to me and told me he didn't love me. I reassured him telling him he would do soon. He looked away and said you don't understand, I could never love you as much as I'd want to, I couldn't - I'm gay. I couldn't believe it, I felt confused, shocked, angry and most of all scared. How could you marry me? How could you lead me on like that? He told me he had no choice as his parents just wouldn't have understood. The feeling of hate and cheat came over me as I reached over for the phone to ring my brother, he begged me not to and sat crying at my feet. That took the hate away, I reached out for him and we sat talking, he assured everything would be O.k. I couldn't believe how foolish I was but I think it was more fear, fear of what would my mother do, how would my brother react, they were so happy the last time I saw them. That night was the longest I'd ever been in. I watched him sleep and couldn't believe he could sleep, this guy had just ruined my entire life and just couldn't care less. I sat looking out of the window and watched the night turn to day. He woke up and went straight to the bathroom and as soon as he got out he instructed me to go and shower also, just so his mother thought we had 'a busy night'. I did as he told me, as I went to the kitchen to make myself a drink my mother-in-law commented how happy her son was and it better stay that way - little did she know.

We packed our suitcases and got a cab to the airport to fly out to our honeymoon, something I wasn't looking forward to. I thought maybe it will give us a chance to talk about during the whole 8 days we were there. We chatted for about 6½ hours about the place, people, weather but not about us, every time I bought it up he would occupy himself with something else or would walk out. So I just gave up trying. We got back home and mother-in-law asked to see pictures of us on our honeymoon but he lied to his mother saying the camera had broke, and I added in a humerous way beside what was there to photograph and Arif quickly butted in telling his mother of what a brilliant time we had and where we went - he obviously had a good time. Ever since my wedding day, which was 21 months ago, my life has become one big lie. Everything seems to hurt from being in the same room as this man who went ahead and married me to goes to family gatherings playing happy families. The abuse from my mother-in-law just got worse. I was the one to blame because she couldn't have grandchildren little did she know her "pyara beta just wasn't into women" and wasn't capable. Many a time when it got too much I felt like telling her that her son was a puff. I just couldn't bring myself round to saying it because if my mum & brother came around they'd tell them what a liar I was, what a bad job they had done raising me. That was the last I wanted. We had been married for just over 5 months and I decided enough was enough, it was bad enough living with Arif taking phone calls from his so called friends - thinking which one is he seeing it was another, getting abuse from my mother-in-law. So I sat Arif down one day and told him it was quite simple, we either move house or I told his mother & father the truth. A fortnight later we were out of there and I am still blamed for trying to take away that mother - son bond but I don't feel guilty about it one little bit. Why should I have to suffer was my attitude. As soon as we moved my life seemed to pick up, I got out more, made friends, started work and generally began to enjoy life when my so-called husband wasn't around.

However it was a different story when he was it was like I was leading two separate lives sometimes more. It was so obvious we just couldn't stand each other but we were still in the arrangement because it suited him to the ground. I wanted out many a time but I also didn't want to hurt my mum or brother. I was finding it really difficult to cope but decided I wasn't going to let it get the better of me and decided to bury me head in my work and just take my mind off things. For about 3 months nothing else seemed to matter I was working hard and it showed. I was sent to a convention for a week because my boss was so impressed of the progress I was making in the little time I had been there along with another female colleague of mine who I got on with quite well. I think the time away made me think and was good for me. It was about the third day and I couldn't believe what I was telling this girl I was telling her everything from how I met Arif to how I felt this present moment. She listened and I have to say that was the first time since my marriage I felt like I got a lot off my chest. I now feel I have nothing to feel ashamed of and my husband now knows that too. I am not to blame for the way
things turned out but I'm just paying a very heavy price for someone else's action. I think it can be difficult having western influences on us everyday and yet our parents still think it doesn't affect our community. There is an existence of these people out there and I think people need to notice because it is people like me that have to put up with it. It starts off with one person getting hurt and ends up with the whole family getting hurt and lie after lie.