Articles on Films:

MISSION FILM

 

I've got to say you guys don't make me feel secure at all with my job here. I have to admit most of you are a lot better at it than I am. Most of you have got the idea I give you a rundown on characters and a dialogue - You do the

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rest (well you can't expect me to do everything!) as well as things overlooked by directors. In the last issue I gave you two characters and a dialogue each lets see what you came up with so without further ado here goes:

The mother: 

we gave you
  
         " Mera beta teri maut bankar aayega, thakur!”

You gave us:

•  “Mera Raja beta”

•  “Mera ashirwad sada tere saath hai”

•  “Tujhe ek maa ki aah lagegi”

•  “Mera beta aisa kabhi nahin kar sakta”

•  “Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta...”

•  “Mere bete ki raksha karna prabhu”

•  “Kya apni maa ki baat nahi maanega?”

•  “Mera achha beta, jaldi se dudh peekar bada ho jaa.”

•  “Is budhi maa ka tumhare siwa aur kaun hai?”

•  “Mere Raja bete ko aaj mein apne haaton se khilaaongi”

•  “Hey bhagwan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna”

•  “Maine tere liye gajar ka halwa banaya hai”

•  “Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..”

•  “Mar, Mar isse betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya”

 

Now for the Doctor:

 we gave you the all time favourite

           “I am sorry”

You gave us:

•  “Mujh par bharosa rakhiye”

•  “Iska to bahot khoon bahey chooka hai. Phoren operation karna padega.”

•  “Bhagwan ne chaha to sab thik hoga.”

•  “Badhai ho, tum baap bannay waalay ho”

•  “Iski haalat bahot najook hai”

•  “Tumhe sakt aaram ki jaroorat hai”

•  “Jaldi se woh dawayee lao.”

•  “Ab sabh kuch oopar waley ke haath mein hain”

•  “Ab main kuch bhi nahin kar sakta.”

•  “Bacche ko to hum ney bacha liya par maa...”

 

In this issue I give you two more characters and a must dialogue:

The hero's sister invariably has her modesty outraged. She seldom lasts beyond a few scenes and in rarest cases lives to see the end of the film. If there is ever a poignant scene highlighting the brother-sister relationship, it is a clear indicator of the sister's soon to follow death. Dialogue: Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do

The father is normally a symbol of outright pathos, either cringing to the worldly demands of having unmarried daughters or the burden of having a violent son with little ambition beyond rotating around trees. If the father is an honest, upright citizen - he is shot in the first few frames by the villain who has little use for his moralities. Dialogue: Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain Over 2U guys.

 

Now I give you the scenes overlooked:

Dhaai Akshar Prem Ke
Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai both plunge into a river, leaving behind their luggage. But in the next scene when they come out of water, the luggage is placed on the bench nearby (Long live the courier services)

Taal
Akshaye Khanna breaks six glasses while arguing with his uncle but insists that he”s broken seven of them. (stubborn)

Kaun
Urmila Matondkar stabs Manoj Bajpai in the back but when he slides against the wall, there”s no trace of blood at all. (vamp!!)

 

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Archeives

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Articles on Films:

Mission Film Possible
Bollywood - we live it, breathe it, drink it, sleep it. My last article proved just that. In my previous articles I gave you two characters and things overlooked by some directors. My last article had the characters the Villain and the Law featured in it and I must say some of you got carried away when it came to the villain - very carried away. Again we also had pointed out to us things the directors overlooked. So without delay here we go: 

Firstly the Villain dialogues
  we gave you the classic 
   "Tumhari maa hamare kabze main hai" 
  you gave us
- Tum sign karte ho ke nahi ?
- Itni achi cheez bhagwaan ke liye chod doon. Kabhi nahin
- Ab Saare Hindustan par hamara raaz hoga
- Batao faarmoola kahan hay?
- Kahan jaa rahi ho chhamak chhalo
- In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai
- Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega
- Yahan teri cheekh sunne walah koi nahin 
- Bula tere bhagwan koÑ dekhta hoon kaun ata hai? 
- Kis maai ke laal mein itni himmat hai jo mujhse takrayega ?
- Gaddari ki ek hi sazaa hoti hai, maut
- Uski koi kamzori hogi, koi maa ya behan?
(We had many more but we"ll stick to the clean ones)

Now the Laws dialogues
  we gave you the classic 
   "Order..Order.."
  you gave us
- Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo 
- Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai Kanoon ko saboot chahiye 
- Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai
- Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai Milord..
(You were right they don't get to say much do they?)

This month I give you two more must characters and a classic dialogue:

DOCTORS - In Hindi films are of two kinds, the first is the family/ neighborhood / fairy-tale doctor who arrives in slums on rainy midnights to announce high fever and death, and the second is the 'expensive-beyond-lawful-means' doctor who delivers babies, cures near-death cases and drives all his bill payers to crime. 
Dialogue: "I am sorry"

MOTHER - Any widow in a Hindi film is a mother. Anyone marrying a character actor in the beginning of the film and bearing two children is sure to be widowed. The sons thereafter are likely to grow up to be the main protagonists. Sewing machine is her favourite timepass tool and she will always make halwa for her son.
Dialogue: "Mera beta teri maut bankar aayega, thakur!"
Now its over to you lets see if you can do better.

And now here are some scenes you pointed out to us:

Dhaai Akshar Prem Ke
When Abhishek is in a train,he has a stubble. The next morning when he awakes, he's clean shaven. Then within a span of few hours, he has a beard. (These hair extensions are great) 

International Khiladi
An advocate states that there's no case registered against Akshay Kumar. But a while later, police inspector Rajat Bedi displays an entire file of cases registered against Akshay. (Corruption at its best yet again!)

Mann
During the song, Nasha ye pyaar ka nasha, Manisha Koirala"s hair is gelled. But when Aamir Khan pulls her hair free it starts flying. (Firm Hold)

Jaanam Samjha Karo
Salman Khan breaks through a wall to rescue Urmila Matondkar. But the car remains unscratched. (To all car manufacturers please take note) 

Anari No.1
Govinda's mother is said to have passed away shortly after giving birth to him. But Govinda is heard saying that his mother had told him that he would become a bada aadmi some day.  (excellent memory or what) .

Haseena Maan Jaayegi
When Sanjay Dutt and Govinda learn that their father has been kidnapped, they not only break out of jail to rescue him but also manage to don police uniforms. (impossible!!!!!!!)

Sirf Tum
Priya Gill gets wet in the rain. So she enters a girls' hostel to change her clothes. But after draping on a dry sari, she goes out in the rain again. (doh!!)

Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
Ajay Devgan and Aishwarya Rai have been robbed of all their belongings. They don't have money to even buy train tickets. Yet they manage to get seats at the opera. (maybe they were recognised off the telly?!)

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All Bollywood films have different storylines (well give and take a couple of scenes) be it a love triangle – or a friendship one, 2 guys 1 girl or vice versa, an obsession, the perfect family which is torn apart as soon as the family cat dies, the family reunions, the guys after the diamonds, the police (the good ones) after them, the rest of the police (the bad ones) after them, the don after them, ok ok I know you get the picture now but one thing all the directors have in common is that they can sometimes overlook things. Listed below are just a few of the things I picked up on whilst watching some of my favourites:  

Biwi No.1

During the karva chauth scene, Salman Khan drives off to meet Sushmita Sen at Bandra. Then the dog leads Karisma Kapoor from Juhu to Bandra on foot. They cover the distance in a few seconds. 

Aarzoo

When Madhuri Dixit takes Saif Ali Khan to meet Akshay Kumar at a restaurant, her hair is permed. She enters the restaurant and the hairstyle changes to a step-cut. When she steps out, it's permed once again. 

Hum Aapke Dil Mein Rehte Hain

Anil Kapoor is hit on the head, stabbed in the back and attacked with a broken bottle in his stomach. And he's still alive and kicking. 

Fiza

In the Aaja Mahiya song, Hrithik Roshan and Neha are shown dancing in front of a huge Colgate Gel hoarding. The scene is in a flashback before the Mumbai riots of 1993. Colgate Gel didn’t exist then. 

But hey nothing stops us from getting hooked into our  Bollywood movies now does it and for all the people out there that are still dissing them is Hollywood really any better, for example:

In every horror movie you see a) the person runs to where there is clearly danger, b) given the choice of a gun and a banana he takes the latter, c) you can cheat the angel of death, (need I really go on??) and then you have the sci-fi movies I mean come on lets be realistic what do we know about life on other planets apart from it does exist – I mean would we actually beat these ‘E.Ts’ if there was an invasion could we drive them away? I personally think they would drive us away. Finally the love stories well what can you say, you look high and low then you find them in bed next door, the guy that comes across ‘decent’ is a complete jerk because it slipped his mind he was married and then he gives you a sob story where his wife doesn’t really care or she is dying of cancer so you stay with him cus ‘you love him’ and because of this he takes advantage, takes you for granted. She realises this and then comes a story of sweet revenge what does she do? she gets married to his brother/best friend (you would never get that in Bollywood).  Anyway I better stop before I get carried away. For all those wannabe directors out there just make sure you bear these things in mind throughout your careers, please. Well that’s the don’ts out of the way lets bring on the musts that spell success.
We bring you two popular characters and one of their must have dialogues:

     The Hero is the person who gets the woman in the end and kills all the baddys . The hero shaves, drinks, drives and picks several fights. He may have a moustache, but never has a beard, unless he is in disguise or utter poverty. He delivers his lines with minimum style, and except for those lines in which he grimaces, he is totally stone-faced. If the hero has a comic side to him, he says very little of consequence in the entire film and does not die in the end.

“Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de”

 The heroine is the stupidest of all Hindi film characters. She normally settles for a man with no class, and even lesser money. She is usually a lot younger and seriously better looking than the hero. Her father is either ridiculously rich or pathetically poor. Any heroine who starts the film in short skirts ends it in sarees.

One who doesn't is the vamp.

“Main usse pyar karti hoon”

 Watch out, next month we give you more characters and dialogues but in the meantime if you have any classic fillmi stylee dialogues you’d like to share with us let us know write to us at the normal address or email us at upfrontnews@aol.com. Hear from ya real soon.  

ISSUE 2 

Well my last article just proved how many Bollywood fans we have in the North. Not only did you come up with some cracking classic dialogues for the hero and heroine but you also pointed out other things the directors overlook so here goes:   

Firstly the heroes dialogues we gave you the classic ‘Maa mujhe ashirwad de’ you gave us

‘Tere saamne teri maut khadi hai’
‘Kuttay !!’
‘Tumhare liye meri jaan bhi haazir hai’

‘Khabardaar joe Usse haat bhee lagaya’
‘Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to’ ...
‘Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai’

Now the heroines dialogues we gave you the classic ‘Main usse pyar karti hoon’ you gave us

‘Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhod do’
‘Naheen!’
‘Mein tumhare bagair nahin reh sakti’
‘Maa ne tumhe ghar bulaya hai’
‘Humne pyar kiya hai koi gunah nahin’
‘Koi Dekh Lega’

This month I give you two more must characters and a classic dialogue:

VILLAIN - Undoubtedly, the villain has the most fun. He gets close to raping the heroine, beats up the hero, kidnaps his family and sometimes he even gets the chance to kill them too !!!

‘Tumhari maa hamare kabze main hai’

THE LAW - Contrary to popular belief, there is in fact a concept of law and order in Hindi films. Upholders of the law in Hindi films are of two kinds, the police and the judiciary, quite as it is in real life. The police pick up thugs and the judges let them off

‘Order..Order..’

now lets see what you come up with this time cleverclogs.

And now here are some scenes you pointed out to us:

Anari No.1
Govinda's mother is said to have passed away shortly after giving birth to him. But Govinda is heard saying that his mother had told him that he would become a bada aadmi some day.(excellent memory or what)

Haseena Maan Jaayegi
When Sanjay Dutt and Govinda learn that their father has been kidnapped, they not only break out of jail to rescue him but also manage to don police uniforms. (impossible!!!!!!!)

Sirf Tum
Priya Gill gets wet in the rain. So she enters a girls' hostel to change her clothes. But after draping on a dry sari, she goes out in the rain again. (doh!!)

Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
Ajay Devgan and Aishwarya Rai have been robbed of all their belongings. They don't have money to even buy train tickets. Yet they manage to get seats at the opera. (maybe they were recognised off the telly?!)

Things You Never Knew about the Movies (or did you?)

Please note these apply for Bollywood, Hollywood and not forgetting Lollywood)

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

 

Pyaar Tune Kya Kiya 

A few years ago, Ramgopal Varma had proposed to attempt a remake of the Michael Douglas-Glenn Close starrer FATAL ATTRACTION with Anil Kapoor and Urmila Matondkar playing husband and wife, and Juhi Chawla as the other woman. The project did not materialise. Ramu started SATYA in the intervening period, starring two relatively new faces ­ Chakravarthy and Manoj Bajpai.
Ramu intended attempting fatal attraction again two years ago with Manoj Bajpai in the lead, Sushmita as his loving wife and Urmila as Manoj’s obsessed lover, but somehow the project fizzled out.
However, Ramu was so ‘fatally attracted’ to this subject that he decided to give it a third try. But there’s a change now! Ramu is merely producing the film in association with Venus Records, while his ex assistant, Rajat Mukherjee, is in the director’s seat.

Jai (Fardeen Khan) is a fashion photographer who’s an incorrigible flirt, but also loves his wife Geeta (Sonali Kulkarni). However, Geeta is always suspicious of her husband’s motives. In fact, her suspicion shakes the foundation of their marriage. In the midst of all this, Jai meets a gorgeous model, Ria (Urmila Matondkar), a mildly psychotic woman, and for both of them it’s a fatal attraction.
Ria is a pampered rich girl who always gets whatever she wants in life. But this time she wants something that belongs to someone else.
One fine day, the truth dawns on Geeta that Jai has been cheating on her and is dating Ria. So what happens next? Does Geeta win back her husband? Or did Ria’s fatal attraction wreck their marriage?

  Ek Rishtaa

EK RISHTAA is about relationships and how they endure the upheavals of time. The film revolves around the characters, their bindings and bickering as they go through happy and turbulent times, moments that rip them apart, moments that bring them closer. The story is of Vijay Kapoor (Amitabh Bachchan). A dynamic businessman, his source of strength is his wife Pratima (Raakhee). They have three daughters – Rani, Priya and Priti (Juhi Chawla), the eldest daughter who is the apple of her father’s eye. The son, Ajay (Akshay Kumar), is studying abroad to secure his Masters in Information Technology.
An aspiring business graduate Rajesh Purohit (Mohnish Bahl) idolises Vijay Kapoor and the latter is impressed by his qualities and capabilities. Priti falls in love with Rajesh and Vijay Kapoor approves their relationship.
Meanwhile, Ajay wishes to start his own business to which Vijay Kapoor convinces him that it is imperative for him to first gain experience in the family business as he is just a novice, and later delve into different spheres.

As they start working together, ideological differences start cropping up between the father and son. Obviously there is a generation gap between them. Ajay has imbibed western ideologies, which he wants to apply, while Vijay Kapoor strongly opposes it. This leads to a rift between the father and son.

Obstinacy to their stands worsens the condition, leading to a fallout between the father and son. What happens next? What happens to the bonds of love that once held the family together? Will these relationships ever reunite? Will they stand the test of time?

 

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